More Than a Memory
by ParisAmour
Summary: Even when our loved ones are gone in body, they still remain in our minds, living in our memories. If only it wasn't so painful to bear.


**I do not own any of the Twilight characters; they belong to Stephanie Meyer or the song More than a memory, that belongs to Garth Brooks. I changed a few words to make it fit better. Review please. Criticism welcome. **

**People say he's only in my head  
>Its gonna take time but I'll forget<br>They say I need to get on with my life  
>But they don't realize<br>**

As I closed my eyes, I could see him, in the light laughing, the sun glittering on his skin. I wanted to see him so bad, I missed him so much. I could still picture him in the meadow, the sweet smell as I laid my cheek against his chest, inhaling deeply and becoming intoxicated. How it felt to have his arms around me, his cool, firm lips against my skin.

I knew I was being pathetic, holding onto him like this. Losing myself in my mind and dreams where I could still see him, shutting out the real world. Living like a robot, just going through the motions. With out him, there was no meaning.

**Is when your dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone.  
>Driving cross town just to see if he's home.<br>Waking a friend in the dead of night, just to hear 'em say it's gonna be alright.  
>When your finding things to do not to fall asleep cuz you know he'll be there in your dreams.<br>Thats when he's  
>more than a memory<br>**

I found myself going to their house; a small part of me hoping, praying that they were there and this was all a very nasty dream. But it wasn't true, and I knew it to be so.

There was no reason for me to continue living. Expect for my dad and mom. Other wise, life was pointless. If it weren't for them…with out Edward here to stop me… I just continued on for them, they were all that truly mattered now. But I didn't know how much longer I could continue living like this, even for them.

I couldn't live with out him.

**Took a match to everything he ever wrote  
>Watched his words go up in smoke<br>Tore all the pictures off the wall  
>But that aint helping me at all<strong>.

I continued to live the motions, only truly living in my memories. Where I could be with Edward. I'd lay on my bed with my eyes closed, remembering him, having conversations with him, just…being there with him. And it hurt so much, but I just couldn't let go. He still had my heart and memories are all he left me with.

**Cuz when your talking out loud and nobody's there  
>You look like hell and you just don't care<br>Drinking more than you've ever drank  
>Sinking down lower than you've ever sank<br>When you find yourself falling down upon your knees, praying to God, begging him PLEASE  
>That's when he's<br>More than a Memory  
><strong>

Edward," I breathed, "I miss you so much." The tears spilled down my cheeks as I curled into the fetal position, hugging my knees to my chest.

I knew that I was a mess; my hair was unkempt, wild and dirty, knotted. My clothes were wrinkled and stained, I couldn't remember the last time I changed my clothes, let alone took a shower. Being on Christmas break had certain advantages. I didn't have to worry about keeping up appearances.

"What did I do wrong?" I moaned, burying my face in my pillow. "Why did you have to leave?"

"Please God, end this. Just make it all go away."

**he's more  
>he's more<br>**

"How could you do this to me?" I whispered, holding back tears. "Life just simply isn't worth it with out you." They spilled over, coursing down my cheeks. My chest hurt as I sobbed in misery.

"How could I still cry? How could I have any tears left for them, for him? Hadn't I cried enough yet, hadn't I dried up all my tears? How much longer till they would no longer fall? how much longer until my heart stopped hurting, until it froze over?

How much longer until I stopped caring?"

**Cuz when your dialing his number just to hang up the phone  
>Driving cross town just to see if he's home<br>waking a friend in the dead of night, just to hear 'em say it's gonna be alright  
>When our finding things to do not to fall asleep cuz you know he's waiting in your dreams<br>That's when he's  
>More than a Memory<br>**

I walked into the house that was once theirs, the empty, bare house. My heart once again broke into pieces. How could it still hurt after all this time? I just didn't understand. How much longer would this last? Until I die? I didn't know, I really didn't care so long as the pain, hurt and tears went away.

Why couldn't he just fade away like a memory, why couldn't all of them?

**People say he's only in my head  
>Its gonna take time but I'll forget<strong>

"Bells," My dad says to me, "You've gotta knock this off. You can't live through this if you keep going on." His eyes filled with tears as he talked to me. "Bells, I don't-" His voice broke. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

He looked down and whispered his last words. "I love you Bells. Please don't do this."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't I just turned and walked away. I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want to do this and it hurt me to hurt him, but it hurt a lot worse to lost them. To lose him.

No matter how much I wanted to forget them, how much my dad or anyone else wanted me to forget them. I couldn't. Not without destroying myself completely.

They could never be just memories, Edward especially.


End file.
